I had a very interesting realization recently. I was in a conversation with my wife, who was very stressed out over some bureaucratic process she was trying to work through and an assumption I had made that has now created a mini disaster of work. I was trying to be calm and peaceful for her while she vented and expressed her frustration. This wasn't working, and I couldn't figure out why.
Then, in response to something she said, I lit up with an inner passion. Suddenly I was coming from the strength of conviction and purpose, and with a deep connection to my core. I was totally present, enthusiastic, and powerful. I was coming from source.
And everything instantly changed. At that moment she could see what had been missing, the life-force that I had been suppressing while trying to relax her.
I spent the rest of the morning feeling powerful in spite of the obstacles we're dealing with. And I started to ask myself, 'What had changed?' Certainly, the challenges were exactly the same. The bureaucracy wasn't suddenly gone. The issue hadn't disappeared. And yet, we both felt the change: it didn't matter any more, we could move forward knowing everything would work out in the end.
My next question was, 'Why had I not shown that power before?' That's where I suddenly underwent a shift in understanding.
I had suppressed my power because of a dynamic with another very close friend. Whenever we spoke, my power was misunderstood as anger or received as an overpowering burden. My life-force was detrimental to the relationship. And so I had spent months, years, learning to remain totally calm on the phone. I had been suppressing the very essence of my being in order to facilitate communication.
Now, in the new relationship, the choice to suppress myself was hurting our ability to communicate. Because I was not acting from a place of internal consistency, it was making it hard for her to trust me. She saw my lack of energy as not caring, not being present, not being connected. I had taken a specific issue with one person and brought it into this relationship.
There's a word for that, when you carry something from one relationship into another: baggage. I wasn't able to be true to myself, to act with integrity. I was altering my behavior without realizing how I was stripping myself of congruence. I was suppressing my true self. I was bottling the very energy that is my most valuable power.
Energy is everything. Once I found my energy, my core, I was able to be the pillar of security she needed in the moment, without even trying. Once I was acting from truth, from source, the relationship stress went away. Sure, we still had problems to solve, but now the solutions were visible. My energy moved us out of a stuck state.
Stuart Wilde has a great quote on the power of personal energy: "The key to success is to raise your own energy; when you do, people will naturally be attracted to you. And when they show up, bill 'em!". People are attracted to inner strength. When it is openly expressed, not as ego, but instead as natural life-force, people are drawn to it.
That's called charisma. You can just tell when someone has that inner strength. You can't miss them.
The lesson I learned: connect with my power, and stay connected in everything I do.
Other news
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From the editor
I am still off the grid: no email, no telephone, no IM. I'm on the final stretch, just a week to go. If you send feedback, realize I won't be able to respond for several days. I'll be back next week.
Healthy thoughts,
Jeff
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